If a picture is worth a thousand words, than a naked picture WITH words must be worth thousands of dollars! Unless of course, the picture is wretched. Thus, we have some of the most abysmal book covers and magazines (and some comic books) with nudity on them.
Titillating, you might say?
Limp penis, I say.
Let us explore-and do remember-I hold no responsibility for the images you will be shuddering into the night from…
1. The Naked Sun by Issac Asimov
Nice “transformer” ya got there dude! This guy is hung to epic proportions and it seems the robot behind him has penis envy, cursing the skies
2. Naked Yoga
Looks like the cover for a Hammer horror movie from the 70’s. I’m waiting for some guy in nothing but a top hat, monocle and fig leaf to pop out from behind the curtain. Stretch those buttocks!
3. Mooney-Midnight Lovers in a 9 0’Clock Town by William Brown Meloney
Pretty sure this dude is only interested in pleasuring himself in the bushes, so the naked lass has little to worry about.
4. The Big Whip-Off
This title no doubt implies what the “readers” will be doing within seconds of opening this masterpiece. (P.S. who invited Wendy O. Williams?).
5. Victorious Star by Morgan Hawke
Woah! This gives new meaning to “intergalactic”! Alternate book title: Voyage To Heranus.
6. Naked Gymnastics
Yeah, but how is she at straddling the pommel horse?
7. Bare Naked by Desiree Holt
This cowboy’s rhinestones are gettin’ a workout tonight! Yee hah!
8. Anal Intruders From Uranus
What’s beautiful about this comic book cover is how subtle it is. It should of course, be re-titled Ivanders of Her Anus.
9. Recreational Nudity and the Law by Gordon Gill
Gotta say here, however many laws these simian-like freaks can be arrested for, it’s not enough.
10. The Society Of Sin-Where Angels Go To Fall by Sian Lacey Taylder
Whip it, whip it good.
11. Wonder Woman no. 68
Yeah, I’m kinda guessing ‘ol Wonder Woman is gonna stay right where she is and welcome that oddly sloped torpedo.
12. Naked Sushi by Jina Bacaar
They were hungry, the diner was closed, and sex was on the menu.
13. Betty And Me #16
Archie beating off 3 other guys? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
14. Naked and Empty handed-Transcendence and Beyond in Group Workshops by Swami Anand Nito
Good to see Gilbert Gottfried gettin’ some!
15. The Comedy Is Finished by Donald E. Westlake
I’d say the comedy is just beginning.
16. How Not To Date A Bear by Stephanie Burke
Alternate title: How To Produce The Worst Book Cover in the History of Mankind With a Crappy Purple Bear on a Photoshopped Naked Dude’s Dingus for $1.98
17. Naked Return by Georgia Macintosh
No doubt the quotes of her saying “Sam, don’t take my suit! What’ll I wear home!” are literary genius, but ya gotta admit this seems like 35 cents well spent my friends!
18. Starlight by Alfred Bester
Looks like the prayers of those praying mantises have come true! Enjoy, guys!
19. Sofa So Naked by Dean Stockings
It’s where that blow dryer has already been that worries me.
20. Outerspace Sex Orgy by Arthur Faber
And thus, the first anal probe was complete.
21. Naked-The Book by Morey Studios
Squished bulbous boobies r good.
22. A Bed Is Not For Sleeping by Meryl Cork
Not sure how this woman was led into the “queer life” by her wicked stepmother when the seductress looks like Moe Howard.
23. Tiltangle by R.W. Mackleworth
I swear this was called Titangle.
24. The Snows of Naked Fall by J. Lee Mace
Barefoot, pregnant, nude and armed with swords. I’m confused. Did that crazy yeti get up to no good again, knocking these ladies up?
25. The Naked Prey
And all involved made a pact to never speak of this night again…
26. Runts of 61 Cy Gni C by James Grazier
Hmmmm…”one-eyed runts played endless games of sex” and they did so with 2 boobs each! Did they really have to mention “one eye” though? We know what he looks like.
27. Darling by Harriet Daimler
Looks like “darling” has a panties issue and I’m not quite sure what’s going on with the bronzed surfer dude with his thong falling off, but I’d say he’s ready for a dong-lickin’!
28. The Seven Lady Godivas by Dr. Seuss
No shit people, this was indeed a ribald, naughty tale by Dr. Seuss. It flopped, but he got to draw boobies and butts, so all was not lost.
Green eggs and ham, and butts to slam, I do say fair lass, you have a mighty fine ass!
29. Nude With Attitude by Kay Hannam
Kay’s attitude should be to keep her damn clothes on.
30. City Lights by David Lawrence
This gives new meaning to the term EZ-PASS on the bridge.
31. ALF comic book issue #48
Did they allow sexual abuse of seals on Melmac?
32. World’s Finest Comics No. 14
“To the Batcave-and leave the clothes behind!”.
33. Odd John by Olaf Stapleton
Hmmm…looks like Odd John is gonna be Even Steven after he mounts this nubile tramp.
34. Burning For Nero by Celise Deland
Looks like she doesn’t even need Nero’s services!
35. Nurse Carolyn by Loren Beauchamp
I do not recall such medical care when I was in the hospital unless you count the male orderly who stole my grill cheese sandwich when I was sleeping.
36. Warlord Of Mars issue 14 by Dejah Thoris
The Janet Jackson of comics? You decide.
37. Captive Of Gor by John Norman
This rabid weasel is gettin’ some bulbous ass tonight! All hail Gor!
38. La Femme by Benedicte Martin
Apple actually banned this book in 2014 because of the cover. It’s 2014, and I am here to tell you, that’s it’s just fine to look at a great set of D cup boobies on a chick with the body of a knife for Christ’s sake. That is all.
39. Captain Marvel No. 23
Wow! Sexually disturbing AND blatantly racist at the same time! There’s a dime well invested.
40. Little Lulu comic
This is clearly a ride Lulu won’t forget anytime soon.