Does John Parr scare you? He sure scares me. Always did actually. Who is John Parr you ask? Well, Mr. Parr was a hack who scored 2 hit singles in the 80’s (and several more failures) the biggest of which was the cringe-worthy “St. Elmo’s Fire (Man In Motion)” which hit #1 in 1985 from the equally crappy Brat Pack film St. Elmo’s Fire. For any MTV viewers however, they are most likely to remember Parr for his ridiculous video for “Naughty Naughty”, a truly wretched song from late 1984 that became a Top 25 single. The video was in constant rotation on MTV but that doesn’t mean it was any good.
Why is “Naughty Naughty” so awful, awful? There are many reasons, reasons!
The opening in particular is pathetic. We see John as a “hard workin’ blue collar man” just payin’ his dues working in a garage (even though he looks like he’s dressed for a night at the finest 80’s leg-warmer infested club money can buy). Parr is working on a Rolls Royce and seems to be ignoring his work and just thinking about driving that car.
But his bald boss scolds him and tells Parr that he is paying him to fix the car and not fondle it. (I’m sure Parr has fondled many a thing at work). Can’t you just feel the tension and conflict? Sure enough, Parr has had enough! Christ, he’s been at work for at least 15 seconds! Crank up the shittastic synths and we’re ready to rock!
Well, John gets defiant and throws the keys at Baldy’s feet and hops in his Mustang (and he’s quite the bad-ass as a hubcap goes flying once an angry Parr turns the corner. Naughty, naughty John!). Soon, with mullet flapping in the breeze Monseiur Parr is leering at, and disgustingly groping one Lisa Rinna who would end up on Melrose Place among other things.
Parr walks his fingers on her incredibly 80’s puke-yellow stockings in the car but John is too “naughty naughty” to succeed as he gets smacked in the chops (twice mind you, to each awful drum beat) and our chick mimes the inane lyrics of the song that “she doesn’t wanna be a girl like that”. She should’ve slapped him just for that hair. Adding to Parr’s rejection, she rips off the cheap-ass heart-shaped necklace Parr gave her (or most likely stole from the jewelry department of Korvette’s) and throws it back at him. Ouch. A lady scorned is one thing, but a lady scorned in a John Parr video is something else altogether!
Making things even more disgusting, Parr slips into fantasy mode (and he’s now driving the Rolls) and we see him in a hotel with what look like rejects from either Pat Benatar’s “Love Is A Battlefield” video or Flashdance extras on smack who look like they got their clothes from a homeless person. Although we’re supposed to be thinking this guy’s got it made, from the looks of this clip, wouldn’t you say it’s more of an orgy of the damned?
While I’m sure all these coked-up losers were having a grand ‘ol time 1984 style, I’d venture to say they were all living in shame within minutes of this debacle being filmed. Parr’s bare chest being rubbed by these skanks is a ghoulish visage indeed. Good lord, this is so repulsive I’d rather see Rosie O’ Donnell rubbing Arby’s horseysauce on her bare ass.
Gotta give the director and editor their props here. Once again, in synch with the song we see these highly questionable ladies rip open Parr’s shirt with each nipple exposed to one terrible snythesizer lick a piece! Now that’s not an easy task to pull off (unlike Parr’s shirt). Parr hasn’t forgotten about his buds back at the garage (even though we never saw any of them earlier) as they get to sing the chorus to this masterpiece wrenches in hand (note requisite bearded 80’s douchebag on the far left)!
Once again, we will synch up to the awful keyboard licks and watch Parr’s new Rolls Royce skid not once, but 4 seperate times to the song! Then Parr does some pitiful mugging for the camera with his American flag guitar (he’s British by the way-makes sense), and seeing as there’s nothing resembling an actual guitar solo it’s just as well.
Ah, but soon we realize John’s just picking up his girl (in what appears to be a trash-infested crime-riddled area of L.A. by the way) in his Mustang. Ya see-it was all in his head! Even the bad song. But wait…was it just a fantasy or did it really happen? As the video ends we see John and his date (or victim) fly off all Grease-like in the Mustang over the Golden Gate Bridge with Naughty Naughty license plate visible.
In conclusion, I can soundly say that this song sucks and the video is a perfect match made in 80’s hell. In golf terms, I’d say “Naughty Naughty” is at least 12 over Parr (hey-that was funny). Please watch, and if you somehow find artistic merit-punch yourself in the privates privates.
John Parr “Naughty Naughty” stats:
peaked at US #23/ UK #58 (1984)
really bald guys in shades: 1
mechanics singing with wrenches: 7
badly dressed 80s skanks: at least 25
exposed male chests being rubbed: too many