101 Abominations In Album Cover Artwork
This is not the first time someone has come up with this idea, but I don’t care-you get my comments as a bonus, baby! These will not be in any order as they are all wretched. Where possible I have listed year of release, but in some cases that was not easy to find out. I warn you, this WILL be most painful but look at all 101 and don’t cheat yourself!
This is purely for laughs and I do occasionally use a naughty word so this may be ever so slightly NSFW. So please leave comments at the bottom as to your favorite selections from cover hell and keep it mostly clean! I need to know what cover is the worst according to the people and I will compile a Bottom 10 (it’s not a Top 10 that’s for sure).
If you are offended by this blog, then watch Al Roker-this is supposed to be funny and it is. Enough of the chit-chat, let’s begin the horror show…
1. Ken-By Request Only (1976)
I do have a request Ken-will you please tell me who your tailor and barber are? They make daring choices! This album cover has become an internet sensation (I’m not jesting) so I am caving to popular (is that really the word?) demand here. The album of this religious rocker recently sold for $150 on ebay. My next request is to know if it was Ken who bought it. Ken-you rule buddy and that’s why you’re first!
2. The McDonald Sisters-I’ve Got Confidence
And let me be the first to tell the McDonald sisters that confidence is seriously misguided.
3. Dick Black And His Band-A Taste Of Dick Black
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this is the most unfortunate album title in history.
4. Mr. Bat-Mr. Bat Sings (1981)
I’m not sleeping tonight after seeing this. Seriously, this gives me the damn creeps. Did you know coulrophobia was a fear of clowns? Now you do. Damn you, Mr. Bat.
5. Gary-Getting Down To Business (1978)
Whatever Gary’s business is-business cannot be good. Gary’s body has been twisted into a disturbing pose. The beard is creepy enough, but is that a flask of booze in those jeans? I shudder to think what business Gary does in that phone booth. I want my dime back.
6. Vanlade-Iron Age (2012)
The Flying V guitar, the self-crotch grab and the naked mermaid are all beyond uncool, but the band name is even worse? Vanlade? Is that a Van Halen lemonade product? Somehow, Vanlade found a way to make a mermaid with bare breasts not look attractive.
7. Tee and Cara-As They Are
As they are? As in eating food off the ground next to a fire hydrant that many dogs have pleasured? Nice hat, dick.
8. ET-Best Friends (1985)
Hey E.T., phone home immediately and leave our planet! And tell your people Reese’s Pieces are NOT filled with crack cocaine!
9. Kombi-Nowy Rozdzial (1984)
You just know damn well a keytar is in there somewhere. Kombi didn’t follow trends they set them.
10. Gerhard Polt-Leberkas Hawaii (1981)
Gerhard Polt is a Bavarian comedian, but I’m sure you knew that already. I’m sure the album is a barrel of laughs. Translated the album title is Meat Loaf Hawaii. Why not Spam? Or Poi? If Mr. Polt was on the menu at my local diner I think I’d pass.
11. Michael Henderson-Slingshot (1981)
Oh no, he didn’t!
12. Carlos-Hier Aujourd’Hui (1981)
This is one tub that will need a serious cleansing after Carlos’s bath! That toy dolphin is in a seriously bad spot. Cheers to you Carlos for scaring the hell out of us all!
13. Maria Leonora-Forsaken Doll
I WILL KILL YOU IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET. MY TERMS ARE FINAL. I AM THE FORSAKEN DOLL AND I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS AND CRUSH YOU.
14. The Rappin’ Reverend-I Ain’t Into That (1987)
Ain’t nobody got time for that either! Amen, mo-fo’s!
15. Crazy Jose-Cha Cha Cha
Oh, that Crazy Jose and his “male organ”!
16. Francisco y Fernando-Vamos a la Playa
I’m willing to bet there are dead tourist body parts in those backpacks. The shirts are already off, and I also doubt the shorts stay on too long with these two. Vamos a la Playa means “Let’s go to the beach” by the way. Yeah, Blood Beach maybe. No thanks guys.
17. Roy Mustaka-Yes, I Love You Australia
The feeling is not mutual Roy. G’day, jackass!
18. Erick and Beverly Massegee-Amen!
We’ve all been there-the morning after and the shame that follows. Beverly looks a little too pleased though. Round 2 Erick? Got enough wood, pal?
19. Steve Warren-Reflection (1982)
The undead really CAN see their own reflection! Steve is reflecting on innocence and lots of hot dogs. This album was for “members only” judging by that jacket. The pussy this guy must’ve gotten…
20. Mike Crain-God’s Power
Take that Satan!
21. David Atwood-Let’s Be Friends (1973)
Hmmmm…let’s not. Any surprise David is waiting in a park for his “friend”?
22. The Tingling Mother’s Circus-A Circus Of The Mind
The dude in the cape has revealed wayyyy too much (or too little as it were). There’s no reason not to mortally wound these idiots. No court would convict you.
22. Fireballet-Two, Too… (1976)
Musical career: finished.
23. Quim Barreiros-Recebi Um Convite (A Casa Da Joquina)
Hey ladee-u and me make sexy time! My pantalones are on the floor alredee and my
accordion can be a-squeezed anytime! If we make-a love I promise to shave-a da
moustache. But no ladee make-a me shave beelow the equator never ever. Ole!
24. Mike Terry-Live At The Pavilion Theatre Glasgow Vol. 2 (1977)
Ain’t (s)he the sweetest thing? Hey, at least Mike Terry (or is it Terry Mike?) is enjoying himself in Liberace’s jogging suit at the ‘ol piano. This is absolutely fucking horrifying and I apologize. I would like to see Vol. 1’s album cover however. Even Elton John is ashamed.
25. D-Drifters 5-Polka N’ Fun (1973)
I’m as uncomfortable as you are, trust me. They could’ve saved time and just wrote the whole thing on the fat guy.
26. Furr-Furr (1977)
Mexico’s answer to KISS is just a few pesos short of everything. Very surprised Gene $immon$ didn’t sue, but at best he would’ve brought home $1.99.
27. Lars Kristerz-Stuffparty 2
I sure as hell don’t want to know what a “stuffparty” is, and I wouldn’t want these guys anywhere near one if I was there.
28. Dave Boyer-Just Because I Asked (1974)
Dave Boyer is a two-faced motherfucker as you can see. Don’t fall for that smile and moustache like I did. That son of a bitch owes me $20 I lent him for a leisure suit back in ’74 for this album cover. Dave, one last time pal-it’s been 39 years and I want my damn money and I want it now. Just Because I Asked!
29. Breakwater-Splashdown (1980)
Aren’t those the boots sewage workers wear when they have to walk in poop? Meanwhile the white guy wonders how much he was drugged and how he got there.
30. Katerine-Robots Apres Tous (2005)
Ah, those crazy French are at it again! And now ve danze! Pretentious French morons in disturbing underwear should be relentlessly bludgeoned about the head.
31. Wasnatch-Front To Back (2013)
If only he had the trumpet, we’d have a real butt trumpet. Don’t worry though-I’m sure the French Horn provided more than enough pleasure.
32. Conde e Dracula-Conde e Dracula (1974)
Scarier than any vampires I’ve ever seen, that’s for damn sure. Is it too obvious to say these guys “suck”?
33. The Veterans-I’m Jogging (1980)
I’ve always thought that most people who run are assholes. I was right.
34. Dan Knudsen-Lost Airways (2011)
Proof that airline security is still wayyyy too lax if a guy like this can be allowed on a plane.
35. Gunther-Pleasureman (2004)
Gunther wants to sex you tonight. He will make love to your feet on the couch and will love you like Ikea. His meatballs are Swedish and delicious-you will see pretty lady.
36. Trazan & Banarne-E’ Bananerna Fina?! (1978)
I’m not surprised in the least that today’s meal for these two is a banana.
37. Como Estas-Last Mambo In Tokyo (2000)
I can’t think of anything to say.
38. Chance-Chance (1985)
There’s no chance of the following: (1.)ANY of these guys ever getting laid, (2.)The A&R guy who signed them ever working again, (3.)The guy on the far right in the designer jeans ever fitting into those any time soon, (4.)That this album sold more copies than band members. Another BizarreRecords.com find.
39. Okko, Lonzo, Berry, Chris & Timpe-Bis in den Sonntag (1977)
Well, if you’re failing in the groupie department, there’s always each other. I think even Caligula would’ve passed on this orgy.
40. Bobby Jimmy and the Critters-Ugly Knuckle Butt (1985)
Bobby seems to be playing with his critter as he gives us a pre-Carlton look for his Fresh Prince audition. What is a “knuckle butt”? I don’t know or want to know, but the guys in the back seem to have found one.
41. Tesura-Fruko Y Sus Tesos
It’s OK for me to be scared, right?
42. Maddy Genets-Et Son Ensemble
When Metal was Metal. A huge influence on Black Sabbath, Maddy Genets and her band of rockers sadly caved in to the Rock n’ Roll lifestyle. Some even say they were already dead by the time of this photo.
43. Get Wet-Get Wet (1981)
These clowns actually had one Top 40 single proving there is no taste. The dude looks like Jon Cryer and also seems to be enjoying those balls up his ass way too much. His one pink sleeve is disturbing. The chick has great cans but you almost don’t even care.
44. Elizabeth Barraclough-Hi (1979)
45. Johnny Janot-Expose Yourself to Cajun Music and Johnny Janot
Can’t be much worse of a job than the photographer of this album cover. Although Johnny Janot was good at exposing himself to people, his music received no exposure thankfully.
46. Boys Town Gang-Disc Charge (1981)
At this garage a lube job is pretty much a given whether you need it or not.
47. El Gato-El Gato
I won’t lie-I am truly 100% terrified of El Gato! This belongs in a litter box in Hell with El Diablo!
48. Romark-Relax….You’re Going To Lose Weight
So speaks the evil overlord Romark. I will lose weight Romark, just don’t kill me please! Seriously, who the hell would want this guy as a doctor? That rectal exam would be something I’m sure.
49. Saveta Jovanovic-Lažno Je, Lažno, Sve Što Je Tvoje (1971)
Oh. My. God. Razor obviously not included.
50. Adman-Jammin’ (2002)
This kid is so dope it’s sick, yo. He be jammin’! Update: Adman tragically did not survive the massive wedgie he was given after this photo shoot but left behind a rich musical legacy.
51. Les Excentriques-Les Excentriques (1965)
Les Douches! Love the ass-clown balancing all of those pink top hats-that’s a skill.
52. Garvis-Garvis (1975)
The Garvis is a strange creature. Although it can be destroyed, one must cut off its supply of bad leisure suits, awful collars, exposed 70’s chest hair and sideburns. One other way to slay the beast is to smash all 5 copies sold of this album and no further harm to the world should occur.
53. Mylon LeFevre-Weak At The Knees (1977)
The fact Mylon is wearing his grandmother’s shawl is bad enough, but the chest hair, exposed midriff, licking of the lips, and the STD he’s acquired near his lips is a combo made in hell.
54. Michael Klemmer-Magnificent Madness (1980)
Nice to see an early Mark Wahlberg making love to his saxophone. Boogie Nights indeed!
55. Adrian-One Step Into The Uncertain (1987)
One thing we can be certain of-this cover is most terrible. The spider/octopus thingy looks like my cat drew it and even in those tight jeans I doubt our hero will prevail. Can Adrian slay the evil cucumber slices on the ground before they awaken?
56. Bei Harmut-Cocktail Party
Oops! I have spilled silly drink on my pants. Bei Harmut is bad man. Any ladee interested in cleaning spot on my pants? I give you flowers? Yes?
57. Little Richard Miller-Jesus Use Me (1966)
I honestly thought at first look this was a mannequin missing arms and legs, but then I realized it WAS Little Richard Miller. Why he’s playing organ in a parking lot with Jesus hovering above is for another day. I just want to know how well he drives that personalized bus. And no, I’m not going to hell for this.
58. Eulenspygel-2 (1971)
Is this a cannibal bird? Or a wrestling match gone wrong? Worse yet, it’s probably on the breakfast menu at McDonald’s.
59. Nonato Buzar-Nonato Buzar (1970)
I would not let this man watch my children. Or me.
60. Betty Staples-Organ Fantasy (1961)
Miss Staples, you are my kinda lady! That’s some fantasy she’s having and those balloons are all kinds of sizes and ribbed for her pleasure. Betty is currently paying for her wild times at age 93 with 2 broken hips and a very raw anus.
61. James Last-Op Klompen (1969)
My guess? James Last doesn’t get laid very often, so he sat on the ‘ol windmill after this photo shoot. Op Klompen indeed!
62. Ozz-No Prisoners (1980)
Watch out for that microphone cord bro! Oh my do Ozz look like they rock-and take no prisoners! (Or album sales). Hilariously, this came out the same year as Ozzy Osbourne’s legendary debut album Blizzard Of Ozz. Let’s guess this album was a distant 2nd place in that race.
63. All Sports Band-All Sports Band (1981)
I shudder to think what the after-game shower was like.
64. The Incomparable Robin Hood Band-Spectacular Sounds
65. Butch Yelton And Upbound-Swing That Gospel Axe
That’s a nice field for body parts to be splayed about. Lots of heads from the disbelievers buried in the daffodils. The only guy WITHOUT a denim vest has the axe. Hmm…
66. Big Bear-Doin’ Thangs (1998)
Any street cred this guy had went out the same window he was shot at in the drive-by with this cover. It ain’t dope and it ain’t fly. I can hardly bear the thought of what “thangs” they wuz thinkin’ yo!
67. Marty Gold And His Orchestra-Hi Fi Fo Fum (1958)
It was good to see the inbreds getting work back then.
68. The Eight Balls-An Essay On Dixieland Jazz (1962)
8 fezes and 8 corpses-that’s my math here. They’re all dead even if they don’t know it yet. I’m sure the old bastard in the coffin is playing Taps.
69. Tom Pease-Boogie! Boogie! Boogie!
Mr. Pease was later arrested for inhumane sex crimes on a goat, but left behind a musical legacy that cannot be equaled.
70. Mansound-Voyage (2008)
This is definitely NOT a voyage to embark on! Is the plane a fallic symbol? Wait-don’t answer that.
71. Bruno Maltise-Heaven’s Hitman
Bruno is a Christian singer. He is also part bald lizard and will eat you. I believe if God had a hitman this sure as shit would be the choice.
72. Noel Pointer-Feel It (1979)
Oh yeah-she felt it alright! Just look at Noel’s satisfied face and Chia Pet hairdo.
73. American Gypsy-Angel Eyes (1974)
This is an improvement from what these guys really look like. The guy in the hat doesn’t have any reproductive organs and that’s a good thing. Creepy.
74. The Castle Family-Love That Showbiz! (1977)
Yeeesh! Love those bad fros. I’m thinking each and every orifice on the bodies of the Castles had those horns inserted into them. There’s no business like show business!
75. The Rev. Dr. James Wade-The Whole Church Should Get Drunk
Hallelujah! Praise be the moonshine!
76. David & Darcy-Warm And Mellow (1971)
Darcy’s on the prowl with that hair, glasses and those stripes. She’s getting all warm inside and David? Well, he’s just a mellow fellow. Actually, the idea of these two naked makes me heave violently.
77. Gepy & Gepy-Body To Body (1979)
Ugh. Sorry to do this to ya folks, but if I suffered, so must you. If this album was called Nipple To Nipple I’d bet the bearded fat guy wins hands down. The way his beard reflects in the water is liquid heaven.
78. Macho-I’m A Man (1978)
I think the real album title for Macho’s musical masterpiece is I Want Men, but I’m just guessing here. George Michael called-he wants his jacket back. He will still meet Macho in that dark alley at night though.
79. Mattie McFerrin-Keep A Lamp Shining Bright
On second thought-keep the lamp as dim as possible OK Mattie? I’m guessing the Bride Of Frankenstein hairdo led to many a dateless night and some reading by lamp. Mattie McFerrin tells us, “Don’t Worry, Look Crappy”.
80. Vikingarna-Kramgoa Latar 7
What’s in your wallet?
81. Bajo-Ja Sam Ranjen Kao Ptica
If Bajo, Taco and Falco had made an album imagine the possibilities. Bajo has a sporting suit and mullet in any language.
82. Gotham-Void Where Inhibited (1978)
I’m guessing Void won’t fare too well in prison, but then again, maybe they wanted to be there for the showers.
83. Eino Gron-Romattinen Eino Gron (1974)
Hallo. My name iz Eino and I like butterfliez, sharp shirts, flowers and u. Are we a match? If so, zend me telegram of luv and we make sex in bathtub of chocolate.
84. Dr. Fishbein-Dr. Fishbein Talks To A Growing Girl
This was followed by the sequel album Dr. Fishbein Does 10 To Life.
85. Cuarteto de Oro-la gaita del Lobizon (1974)
A Spanish werewolf in bell bottoms is indeed terrifying as you can see by the victims’ faces of pure horror. There’s something pretty damn awesome about this though and I’ll figure out what that is someday.
86. Betty Davis-They Say I’m Different (1974)
They say you’re different Betty? Nah, impossible!
87. Ismael Echevarria-Travesuras de El Tehuelche (1976)
Argentina’s answer to Keith Moon, Ringo Starr and awful variety show hosts shows us how much he enjoys anal probes. Oh, those goofy Argentinians!
88. Joyce-Joyce (1983)
Well, we’ve all seen this classic, but I had to include it. Joyce is so inviting and seductive-yet terrifying at the same time. She must’ve seen Tootsie a little too often. Joyce plays a mean organ and was briefly in the supergroup Emerson, Lake, Palmer & Joyce.
89. Jim Post-I Love My Life (1978)
One question Jimbo: WHY???
90. Heavy Vegetable-The Amazing Undersea Adventures Of Aqua Kitty And Friends (1994)
See Aqua Kitty fight Squeal The Seal in a battle to the death with Windows 1.0!
91. Rikk Agnew-Turtle (1992)
Here in New Jersey we have turtle crossings down the shore to protect the little guys on the road. That would not apply to this turtle who I would run over, back up and run over again.
92. Abandoned By Bears-Bear Sides (2013)
An insult to bears everywhere. And humans for that matter. At least this proves the inbred can design an album cover.
93. Craig Douglas-Cuddle Up With Craig Douglas (1962)
Nah, I’m good-thanks, though.
94. The Hollywood Playboys Orchestra-Music For Playboys (1962)
Why does the devil have just one horn and a camel toe?
Trust me woman lady, Tozovac not shoot blanks. I give u full military salute when I conquer your desert and u surrender to Tozovac.
96. Tankard-Kings Of Beer (2000)
I know at least 10 people who are well on their way to looking like this.
97. Thor-Keep The Dogs Away (1977)
The Avengers have actually kicked Thor out after finding out about his musical past. If you want an even bigger laugh, watch this Thor’s 80’s film debacle Rock And Roll Nightmare which more than lives up to its title. Dreadful.
98. Borud-Gjengen-I Farta
I think sweater boy is using his finger to plug up the little denim douche’s butt because he screamed “I Farta” and tried to run away after doing so. Girl in pink lets out a hearty laugh as any good Norwegian would.
99. Music To Massage Your Mate By (1976)
Ah yes-any woman craves the sensual touch of an oily guy in jeans shorts with a tank top and bad porn stache. I’m guessing the plastic is on the furniture for any love juices that oozed out. Let’s pray they burned the furniture afterwards.
100. Marcy-Christmas With Marcy (1965)
And this was to be Boo-Boo kitty’s last Christmas. He was never heard from again…
101. Pat Cooper-Spaghetti Sauce And Other Delights (1966)
It’s supposed to be funny, but damn is this frickin’ horrific. Shame on you Mr. Cooper-your sauce is most disgusting.